I’m afraid all the time.
Afraid of offending somebody. Afraid of being politically incorrect. Afraid of expressing my opinion, or worse, having no opinion whatsoever to express.
I know there’s a lot going on in the world. I know that the man who shot Colten Boushie has been acquitted. I know that the man who shot Trayvon Martin was acquitted. I know that women all over Canada and the United States are gathering their courage to tell the world about the sexual abuse they have suffered at the hands of powerful men.
These things hurt. These things are tearing our society to shreds. And I don’t know what to do about them. I don’t know what to say about them. But I feel like I should know, and I should be outraged, and I should be mobilizing all of my friends to action.
The thing is, I am consumed by my own hurts right now. They are not on the scale of endemic racism and rape culture, but they are mine, and they feel huge to me. I wish I could add to those voices calling for change, but I need to speak for myself right now. I need to navigate my own healing journey, or I will never be able to navigate the larger, necessary journeys taking place all over the world.
I feel guilty for feeling the way I do. After all, I’m white, employed, and have never been sexually harassed, as far as I know. I’m one of the lucky ones, and I know it.
And yet I hurt.
I’ve questioned myself for two days now whether I should post this. Does my voice even matter in this world full of larger issues? In a world where I am considered privileged, do I still have the right to speak my own truth?
Posting now. Please be gentle with me.
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